there is lonely
there is lonely in a room full of people
there is lonely even though you're loved
it's been there since the beginning
no one gets it right
no one even knows where to start
there are no words to describe it
just a screech of feedback
a low drone
a stinging riff
a sustained note
a primal scream
a driving beat
a feeling of a knife
stabbing right through my heart
but at least the knife is warm
i'm not looking for someone who understands me
just someone who understands

another day, another kickball game with Nubbs. poor baby.

two nights ago steve martin had to pick up all of my pieces. we were at martin short's xmas party. I was invited by bill murray because I played his daughter in a movie yet to be released. the party was held in a crappy house. it was kind of their crackhouse. the drug of choice was called superballs -- cocaine hidden in a california roll. i did too many and I hid in the bathroom and cried. steve found me. i told him that i never did drugs. he said i just wan't used to it. this was a dream. the pathetic thing is that it was a good dream.

my sister talked to me about her drama last night. i was genuinely interested because i miss having drama. things are going well...but, like, they aren't

i'm blowing kisses to all of you.

nothing is more beautiful than an orange el camino parked in the cart corral.

happy birthdays to all who had birthdays in the last 3 months. you are all special people. join my club, please.

not that i have it
i just like saying it

I found out it's 50 pounds gone today...yes, I'm one of those people that will annoy you by talking about it. Just be happy it isn't Atkins or Lo-carb, or you'd really hate me. I don't look different, but here is proof other than math.

- I can put my fingers all the way around my wrist. suffice to say I'm also a notch smaller on my watch

- I have one pair of pants I can call "too big"

- I can wear the seat belt in the back seat of my parents' car



The power was out all last night.


Tiffany, I keep forgetting to tell you that Aunt Barbara gave us a puzzle. It's by Thomas Kincade...Painter of Light...ages 13 & up...1000 pieces.

and again, math is everywhere.

this is just the obligatory "i'm still alive" entry

i haven't written because I haven't had much really to say.

this is what an entry by me would sound like lately...

diet, knitting...diet, diet, knit, diet....YARN!!!

so that's about it...I miss hearing from you guys though. I need to check in more often.

oh...and if you know melissa and daniel...they had their baby about a week ago. his name is Drew.

1 - There's too much tv at my house. we have a big one that follows me wherever i go...and when it stops following me, one of it's smaller friends picks up right where it left off. i'm making my bedroom a tv free zone. and, no...i'm not turning into one of those people (and you know the ones that i'm talking about), but it's just that enough is enough

2 - knitting is the devil. i can't stop. it's seriously becoming a monkey on my back and a big reason that i'm losing touch with many of you all. however, i am confedient that i will one day complete a project.

3 - i've lost 25 pounds on in the last 5 weeks. that is seriously the weight of 3 decent-sized babies. i'm pleased with this, but i still have many more babies to lose.

HEY! HEY!
HO! HO!
DIAL UP HAS GOT TO GO!

Off to do the Mr. Show workout. It burns calories and prevents the onset of Entitilitis.

when i get this way, i have problems with reading
it's a concentration issue that may fade with a some work.
words like pirate, zombies, and haircut jump off the page while the words that connect them get neglected
i read the end first, the middle last, and the beginning whenever
things don't make sense
it's too much visual stimulation, i think
plays and aim messages are much easier to read because of their organization
if i can't get past it, i will figure out how to use it as my secret weapon. the out of orderness and the points that i see will give me insight

hussy is the dictionary word of the day
this reminds me that i found remnants of my incomplete zine when unpacking
it will remain incomplete, because you ain't nobody unless you have an unfinished zine lying around somewhere

today is the day where I immitate Dave Grohl immitating the Beatles (see current song). I will do this over and over until people want to kill me. You have your ways of dancing with death, I have mine. I learned this way from Dave Letterman.

there's more shyness lately
it comes off as surface, shallow, and self-centered
but really just shyness and a safe distance

ladybugs come to my house to die.

sorry that i've lost track of your lives

once upon a time there was a queen, a princess, and a nerd. the queen and the nerd were to pick up the princess from ye royal armstrong aeroport, but not without an adventure first. a wrong turn broght them to the kingdom of laplace. although the queen has never been to this kingdom, the nerd recalled that this was the land of roller-skating lock-ins and bowling birthday parties. alas they made it to the aerport and met the princess. she didn't look like johnny depp, but that didn't keep her from being a HARDCORE PIRATE. they went to the palace known as the mall and dreamed about pirates....and it was good.


things are still iffy for the nerd, but they are getting better. she exersises everyday and cannot eat sugar...BUT SHE'S STILL SWEET, DAMMIT! The thought that's she'll one day have pink ugg boots (don't be the person that fades ugg boots!!!!! it impresses no one!) and "the dirt of luck" keeps her going in a really superficial way.

the nerd has not yet written her correspondence to the queen. the nerd is shamed for that and another reason that the queen will know at a later time. but when the correspondence happens, it will not dissapoint.

ok...so they're showing old beavis and butt-heads on mtv2 now at 11pm (central)...so this means there is a chance that HELIUM will be on TV! I know the videos for XXX and Pat's Trick (butt-head said mary had small nostrils) were once on the show.

you don't know how good this is.


one day I won't be too shy to write here more about real things

i am back to being nerdcorefever on aim...when the internet is friendly to me

i continue to be in love with kanye west and his broken jaw

you want to sing about the whole world,
but the ends of your world are the walls of your house

i got through!

dial-up sucks.